Monday, November 19, 2012

Happiness with a side of LOVE?

Finally pure happiness! For the first time in some years, I can honestly say that I absolutely LOVE my life. Great job, Great Friends, and a Great relationship that takes me over so completely sometimes. I can't believe that for so long, I continued on in my life blind to the fact that I was unhappy due to MY choices in who I decided to let in and let close to me. I was blind to the fact that I was letting myself be used , and taken advantage of.
After a kick in the butt from a few of my now close friends, I re-evaluated my life choices, and took a step back to look at what truly makes me happy. Being unhappy for so long, I really lost sight of who I was , who I wanted to become. Looking in on yourself, and discovering that your just a shell of the person you once were, is a real eye opening experience!
I have to say that I really owe a lot of my new found happiness to my new fledgling relationship. It has taught me that , me being myself, and staying true to who I am , is what draws people in. It has also taught me the true meaning of love. I thought I knew what love was, and that I had been in and out of love, but I honestly had no idea! This time around, it's different, this time around its pure and true. I am proud to say that after a little bit of coaxing, I have let my whole heart be consumed by this love, and the feeling is AMAZING!
Everything in my life is on the upside of what promises to be an EXTREMELY GREAT year, and I can't wait to see what else is in store for me! :)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Back to finding Mr. Wonderful....

As it turns out, the guy I thought to be my Mr. Wonderful , turned out to be Mr. I'll be wonderful to you LATER. Apparently I don't fall to high on the priority list. All in all I feel like this has actually helped me get my life in moving in the right direction! I now have a new outlook on life, and goals that for the first time I can achieve by myself!! The satisfaction of being able to do things by myself and feel 100% responsible for my emotions and happiness is an AMAZING feeling. It seriously is like nothing else in the world, well other than being happily married, or having a child ( or so i'm told).
Taking control of my own life instead of letting my fate lie in someone else's hands has been the best decision that I have made in a long time. I truly can't wait to see what the world has in store for me next, and for the first time i'm not afraid to face it by myself if I have to. I don't need to have a guy there with me ( quite a shocker I know). Don't get me wrong, I am definitely not opposed to meeting that one great guy who will completely change my world, but I'm not going to go out there and hunt him down like I once would have. They say that " In order to be happy with someone else, that you must first be happy with yourself ", boy were they right!
         Be happy with yourself before anything else! Don't let someone be the person that " fixes" you, don't become dependent on that person. Dependency on another person is only setting yourself up for heartbreak. No matter how positive the intentions , there is never a way to completely satisfy everyone, therefore someone will always get hurt ALWAYS. Trust yourself before anyone else, and you will always be happy. 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Trust me.....I HAVE trust issues.

Why does it always seem that a past broken relationship always results in trust issues? It's like they knew when they were breaking your heart, that there would still be a lingering affect for quite some time, and that if you were truly strong enough that you would over come it, but most likely not. I quite often find myself thinking " why the hell did the bastard do this to me?!" , then quite inevitably right after you find yourself thinking that you are unworthy of whatever your relationship your in, and that your significant other is probably doing something behind your back as a sort of punishment for you being the way that you are. It quite simply makes you PARANOID.
Then with the paranoia comes the horrible thoughts that seem to wander into your head at any chance they get. They make it extremely hard to concentrate on just normal every day things, your just consumed and freaked out. I've been there more times than I care to share, but NEVER AGAIN!
        I'll be the first to admit, that I will always have trust issues. That is one puzzle in which the pieces will never fit quite right ever again. I won't however let it consume my life like I once did. I have learned that although these issues are part of me now, they are not who I am. Step one right? I can finally say that I don't worry for the person i'm in a relationship with anymore. I won't have to burden them with this baggage anymore, i'll just leave it crammed in the back of my closet instead =)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Trying to put the pieces back together again....

Trying to put the pieces of your life back together again , is like trying to walk down stairs, backwards. I wish someone would have saved me all that heartbreak, and told me that I wasn't seeing the real world, but just some made up version that you see in movies with happy endings, and where every couple is happy all the time. I instead ended up being one of the poor saps that believe the lie that movies were selling, thinking that I would have the perfect marriage, and that we'd live happily ever after, The End. Boy I'd like to slap the writers around for making these love stories so real, and so believable that you think you can have them. Sorry folks, you can't have them, and they aren't real!
After 2 years of marriage I had decided to call it quits, definitely not something I took lightly, nor did I make a snap decision to do this, regardless of what people may have thought. This my friends was a long time coming. Looking back now, I suddenly see that marriage at the tender age of 19, wasn't smart, in fact it was probably the stupidest thing i've done to date. Let me tell you, if your still young and thinking about getting married, make it a long engagement. Make sure that you have adequate time to make sure this person is truly the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. You may be saying " but i know him so well" well, sorry but think again. You'd be quite surprised at how a marriage, even an upcoming one changes people, even your so called knight in shining armor.
After going through what feels like the worst time of your life, the best remedy I can give you is a best friend. Best friends change everything, and level the playing field. My best friend is who got me through my " Not good enough for anybody" stage, my best friend put me back together, like only a best friend can. Granted, not every girl can have a best friend be a guy, because let me tell you, that does come with its obstacles , like everyone thinking your dating, even though your not, or people thinking that the only reason he is around, is to get into your pants ( which isn't usually the case ). But that brings me to another point, You shouldn't let other peoples opinions and words control your life and actions. What you do with your life is what makes it great and truly unique to you and no one else.

Moral of all of this, Wait before you act, and do what feels right for you, and not whats right for your friends!

-Vivere la vostra vita e di amore!-